He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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