If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
