I wanna bring you to show and tell
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize