She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
