Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
