took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
