I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
