Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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