I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
