He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
