I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize