then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
North Korea, Best Korea!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
