Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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