I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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