Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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