My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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