My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
