It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
