You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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