Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
