i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
