you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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