We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
