after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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