She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
