9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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