South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
