This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
