if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
