PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
