They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
