so that wasnt chicken after all
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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