Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize