I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
