and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
