um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
