Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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