i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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