Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
