It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
