Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
