shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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