i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
