In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You need Xanax blowdarts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
