I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I need moral support for this bender
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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