3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
