Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
