Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
