I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
