I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Can Purell be used as lube?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
