So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
