You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
