i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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