i wish my penis had a tongue
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
