Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
