Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
