they need to just BURY HIM!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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