is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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