you guys were way drunker than both of me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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