time to smoke my breakfast
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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