The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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