She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
