did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
