If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
