Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
