hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
