Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
