In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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