What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
