I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
