We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
