grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
