I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
