i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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